Even with you laying beside me I’m alone . My heart feels like it is shattered into a million pieces, My mind has a million thoughts, Alone with my own memories. There isn’t something I can pinpoint, No real problems or solutions. Just a heavy heart, And head full of pictures. Alone with my thoughts I lay here for hours on end. Listening to your breathing rise and fall. My hands want to shake you awake, My head is saying no let him sleep. My eyes are stinging from silent tears. My ears have a constant ringing to the point it makes me dizzy. My fingers touch the phone screen, flicking through mindless drivel, not really even reading the words on the screen. I know I need to sleep, but it evades me at this moment. My alarm silently vibrates on my arm. It’s Saturday morning why is it even on. A dull ache still in my head, it doesn’t seem to want to go away. I feel a tear escape my eye and it slowly runs down my cheek. I don’t even know why I feel this heaviness it’s just there. The cat mews at the window, a new day is dawning. I wipe away my tear, pull my feet out of under the warmth of the covers, lower my legs to the floor. It’s time to get up and start a new day, Washing the heavy feelings away. Those thoughts and tears get banished, until my head hits the pillow again when it’s time to sleep. And the darkness hits me with waves of aloneness once again.
Nicole Beltane 2016