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Acoustic Life of Sheds.

It has been a huge weekend here. Friday night we went and seen a free showing of the movie Hunt for the Wilderpeople. Saturday was the local show, but we had to run Angel around town so didn’t end up going. Sunday we went to the Acoustic Life of Sheds which is part of the Ten Days on the Island event currently being run in Tasmania. We toured around 5 local sheds and seen / listened to some great music.

New directions

As much as i love blogger, i have been toying with going in a new direction with my blog so i thought that i would give WIX a try since it for some reason keeps coming up on my newsfeed / YouTube ads.

So i will be doing a few posts here and see how it goes before i decide on wether or not to give blogger up altogether when it runs out in May.

My job today will be attempting to export the whole of my blog (12 years worth of it over here). should be fun…

So this is me: I’m Nic, I’m almost 44, I have been married to Jack for 16 years, he is a Train Driver, goes to Uni & we have a Metal Detecting Bussiness, We have a 15 year old Daughter Angel. Two black cats called Mae & Ed and a Dog called Ali. My Hobbies include Memory Keeping Researching Family History, Blogging, Scrapbooking, Project Life, Photography, and i am about to embark on the crazy world of Traveler’s Notebooks

I have been blogging for just over 12 years. I have had MANY blogs and i have tried many blog platforms. I have been using WordPress for over 5 years now but feeling like i need to have a major change in my blogging style. My blog has had many names and many re-incarnations. I guess i have never been able to settle on just one thing. So for now its just going to be Nic Beltane.

52 Stories

I was on Facebook recently and came across a series of 52 questions from familysearch.org.  

I know i have done a lot of questions and answers in the past (And even published a lot of them in my book) but this is all part of the little pieces of the puzzle that i am putting inside My Memory Jar to tell Angel. Some questions i may have answered in the past and may answer again but in a different way.  

I am thinking of doing a few here every so often..

Little Letters

The Social Edition

Dear Facebook,
If I wanted drama I would have become an actress. You are just behaving like a 4 year old who has just wandered into her Dad’s BBC interview. Dance like no one is watching.

Dear Instagram,
So many stories so little time.

Dear TimeHop,
Once upon a time I loved you so very much, I visited everyday, but since you added all of the ads in between each photo, you have become a pain in the ass to use..

Dear Wix,
Thanks for letting me hang out here.

Dear WordPress,
It’s not you it’s me…

Dear Pinterest,
Why do you have to be so pretty and irresistible. But seriously the broken links… OMG!

Dear YouTube,
Thanks for keeping me occupied. With over 500 items in my watch later list with it growing daily I think I will be busy and neglecting everything else for months..

For more information on Little Letters check out the link below.

Traveler’s Notebooks

A few weeks ago I asked Jack to buy me a Traveler’s Notebook it arrived a few days ago and as much as I wanted it I also wanted a Midori (Now) Traveler’s Notebook more. (Blame way too many hours of watching YouTube). When Jack said he liked the look of it and it looked like something that he could use I boxed it up and gave it to him, then promptly got online and ordered a “Midori” Traveler’s Notebook from Notemaker (OMG I could spend all day on that site). He has started to use it for work already and is planning on using it for fishing / the boat, the business & uni notes.

Then I was checking Facebook and came across the new Heidi Swapp Traveler’s Notebook planner and that was it I had to have that too so ordered if from Scrapboutique. Hopefully both will arrive in the next week or so (my birthday is at the end of the month so these are my birthday presents).

I also ordered several inserts from Etsy as well that I have already started using. I will have probably 8 inserts.

Art Journal. Going to get more of these from LinsertsbyLinda.

Then from cottonandpaperco I got several.

Capture the moment – Lined for FMS Photo-a-day. I have already decorated this one and added the first three months of prompts. This one will last for the full year and I can still write notes in it and add some photos.

Black dot – blank
for classes that I am doing this year online.

Crosses – week on two pages
for Project life. Although I think I will end up using the Heidi Swapp Traveler’s Notebook for this.

XOXO – Health & Fitness.
The Health journal only lasts a few weeks. I do have a a5 health journal I brought from etsy that I might just glue into it instead.

Hello – Blank –
is a spare.

Heidi Swapp one is a planner so looking forward to using that. (This contains 2 inserts). (Perfect for Project Life). From Scrapboutique

The Midori Traveler’s Notebook will also come with an insert. I think from memory I chose a weekly one for this year.
I also added some of the accessories. The bands to add more inserts, The Kraft Folder & Zipper Pocket. As well as three Tombow Pens and a set of Cavallini & Co Vintage Letterpress Rubber Stamp Set.

I am really looking forward to getting into this way of memory keeping.

Coffee & Chat Tuesday

If we where having coffee right now i would tell you that 

I was just thinking about when was the last time that I did a Coffee & Chat Tuesday, and waded through all of my posts and then scrolled some more, and still found nothing. Turns out that the last Coffee & Chat Tuesday was in October last year.

I am starting a new blog.. I have been playing around with the WIX website, but I am finding it very buggy, So you may find posts that I have written on there appear on here. 

If we where having coffee right now i would tell you that we are going to watch Acoustic Life of Sheds on the weekend. Basically it’s various musicians playing there music in various sheds in our town and surrounding towns.

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As found on Facebook. purple clover.com

If we where having coffee right now i would tell you that In less than two weeks I am 44. Ekkk… how did that happen, I am sure I was in my 30’s last week.

If we where having coffee right now i would tell you that I can’t wait to open my new Traveler’s Notebook.

If we where having coffee right now i would tell you that I promise not to leave it so long betweens these posts next time.

50 Questions you should ask and answer

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50 Questions you should ask and answer

Rosy Cheeks & Muddy Feet shared this great list from The Samantha Show about the 50 Questions you should ask and answer, i have done similar things before and much of my book that i wrote and published last year has similar questions.

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called? 

Mum used to always call me Nicole. Dad Called me Nikki Nic. Jack calls me Cole or Colee. Angel calls me Mum. But these days i prefer to go by Nic which many people where calling me online anyway, so now i use it all of the time except for banking, Mail etc.

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read? 

Jimmy Barnes – Working Class Boy, Michelle  Bridges – Make it happen. I have quite a few that i have brought from the book fair each year that i plan to read and haven’t yet. Back in the day i used to read all of the time. These days i spend more time on my phone. I don’t even use iBooks anymore.

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? 

I like to scribble in notebooks, make messy art and have fun, though i don’t do it all that often. Looking forward to doing more of this now that i have started collecting the Travellers Notebooks.

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? 

I spend a lot of time awake. The Fan needs to be on, and I need three blankets… I know crazy.. If Jack’s home I read on my phone, I do sometimes get up and watch tv, still no sleep i get up and have a shower or a bath. When jack’s on Night Shift, I stay up a little longer, then I will do a meditation, if I still cant sleep I have a shower.

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? 

I spend a lot of time alone anyway so I guess it wouldn’t phase me. A good internet connection & YouTube would be great. Although if i was allowed to have a book I would finally be able to read one listed above.

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? 

OMG… Yes I have them going all the way back to when I was a teenager. I actually spent some time a few months ago going through them and adding them to my expandable accordion file according to Years or Family Member. The ones from people i talk to online have gone in with memorabilia.

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know? 

ME… I keep everything.. I they where to make an episode of hoarders x’ed with clean house they would find me. Old cards, letters, books, photos, jamie oliver cooking untencils.

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? 

I am a slip in and sit quietly on my own type of girl. Mind you it’s been about 5 years since i even went to a party. If it’s people i know most of the time i have a camera in my hand and snap away.

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be? 

Probably my sense of smell, being an asthmatic / hay fever, allergic to grass & dust, i tend to smell smoke a lot. I wouldn’t mind giving it up as it causes me great anxiety.

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? 

Rarely. I am a very big girl, and i feel very self conscious so I hate looking in the mirror. When i do catch myself, i really dislike who i see.

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? 

That the hospital where i was born was now a cinema, turns out that no it’s now an Old Age Home.

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? 

COFFEE…. It’s more a lifeline, than a guilty pleasure.

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? 

Both Jack & Angel are always doing nice things for others. Me i tend not to “people” these days, its easier.

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections? 

I mostly read our local paper online, but mostly just the headlines or articles that have our daughter in them.

15. Which animals scare you most? Why? 

Snakes, Doesn’t help that I had a dream about them a few nights ago, where i woke up in a panic, took me a few hours to actually settle my nerves down afterwards.

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? 

Depends on who it’s with, i am when home i am as Jack would say a red-headed firecracker. i get on my high horse and go off my nut at things that make me angry, namely jack’s work and Angel being bullied. I have had full on online wars with stupid people who think they are entitled to insult my family.

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured? 

I was recently subjected to being Fat Shamed online by a young girl, I wrote about it on my Facebook page and had so many amazing comments from Family and friends, it means so much to me that people feel so highly about me.

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? 

How much i care for those that i love.

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain. 

Yes i like to have my own routine. In the morning i will check my planner, emails, have my breakfast, vitamins, etc. I watch the same tv shows everyday I use the TiffXO weightloss site for meal planing. In the evening i will set my planner onto my table with the vitamins, a bottle of water and a glass..

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain. 

HAHA yep.. I have champagne taste on a cider budget. I love pretty things.

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits? 

Most days I do. With a bad back and being overweight I struggle to do a lot of physical exercise. I have surprised myself by doing 20k+ thousand steps in day. I have walked up a shot tower, and for someone scared of heights & a fear of falling down stairs that was a huge victory. I did the day before i turned 40 walk up a huge steep hill, thought i was going to die, but i did it.

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? 

I would say that 95% are acquaintances, Even the few close friends i had when i was younger I don’t talk to much. Jack is my best friend.

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? 

I would rather let others do it..

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? 

Most days are strange experiences..

25. What do you think about more than anything else? 

I spend a great deal of time thinking about my weight. In-fact way too much time.

26. What’s something that amazes you? 

How awesome i am.. hahahahaha. I am amazed that i am able to get up each day and live the life i live.

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? 

If someone has a problem with me i would prefer to know and why they do. I have no idea as to why some people have a problem with me, but i guess thats not my problem it’s theirs.

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest? 

We don’t normally have out of town guests, but last year we had a guy from the US come over and took him to Cradle Mountain.

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? 

We pay to get our lawns done, we use hire cars regularly, we have our vegetables delivered and also every couple of months our groceries.

30. Do you have a catchphrase? 

Not really. i like to quote things from various movies though.

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them?

If someone believes in something it is their belief, it isn’t mine to judge. I believe in lots of things too and people probably see me as a nut job.

32. How and where do you prefer to study?

I am not at uni or any sort of educational school, but i do many online classes a year. I like to set up a notebook for the class i am doing and as i am watching the video’s or going through the class notes i like to take notes.

33. What position do you sleep in?

Either on my back or facing towards the door. 

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why? 

I love my “Homeland” of Melbourne, even after so many years of not living there i miss it. It’s on the Bucketlist to go back, and even though we only live in Tasmania, and often get shops and things come up when looking for things online as it is in some instances closer than Hobart. It will always hold a very special place in my heart. To me no mater where i live Melbourne will always be home.

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? 

I tend not to gather new people, i avoid it rather than encourage friendships. i know it sounds crazy and yes often times i live a very lonely isolated life. but if i had to i would say that 1. They would have to have a sense of humour, 2. Be interested in the same or similar things to me, 3.

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? 

I was the 2nd born of 4, but my brother was stillborn, so i was the 1st born. It was only recently that i realised that i was my parents Rainbow Baby.  After me is my sister and then my brother, i also have a step brother & stepsister on mums side and a step brother on dad’s side. So a very big family. With me being the eldest of them all.

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? 

I would love to be able to get up off the couch and work out everyday, but for some reason i feel like i am unable to do it. its like this invisible forcefield stopping me from going over to the other side of the room and doing a workout. its crazy..

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? 

That i am not sure of… I have several and whilst i would love to have them back in my life, I don’t want to risk getting hurt again. So it’s best to leave it the way it is.

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? 

To be honest it is something that i have discussed with Jack, bust as for names i have no idea what i would change it too. He changed his first and surname when he was younger, and then when we met he changed his surname again.

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? 

Depends on what the circumstances are. These days i am of the opinion thats it’s easier not to know what the problem is, i get into less trouble that way.

41. What do you consider unforgivable? 

When people trash talk me. I hate it..

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?

Most days i feel like i have failed i came across a quote on Facebook overnight, and this is often how i feel like i am just going from day to day..

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43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologise? 

I tend to once been upset by a person not speak to them again. To the point where i have to block all communication with them, and even coming across them on other social media sites i have to block them..

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? 

Not really.

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.

I tend not to trust too many people now a-days as I have been burnt way too many times.

46. In what area of your life are you immature? 

I am probably the most immature with Jack, we have a tendency to encourage each others stupid sides.

47. What was the best news you ever received? 

Just this morning that Jack has been passed out and can drive trains on his own again. After a year of confusion, Dr’s appointments and 6 weeks re-training he has been approved to go back out on track on his own.

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? 

99% of the time i will offend someone even without trying. It’s become a hobby now, and quite frankly i don’t care anymore.

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first? 

Jack, we from the first moment clicked. If we are thinking about each other we will email and the other usually does it at the same time.. We finish each others sentences.

50. When do you find yourself singing? 

In the car to Keith Urban or Ed Shereen

Little Letters

Dear Self,

Stop being so damned hard on yourself, stop beating yourself up about something that you can’t control.

Dear Weather,

Play nice.. So hot one day that i can’t even sit in the lounge without getting burnt & seating. Then the next day bam looks like its going to pi$$ down with rain..

Dear Girl who fat shamed me, 

Dear Neighbours Spoilers Fans,

Thanks for the Facebook adds.

Dear all of the crap that i have to do,

Thanks for letting me leave you until i was ready to work on you.

 

Dear Girl, who fat shamed me….

Dear Girl who fat shamed me,

You may have taken a photo of me and shared it on a private chat group, You may have fat shamed me, You may think i am fat, You may think i am ugly, You may think that it’s funny to make fun of an adult. but let me tell you some things publicly,

You did it on a day that i was already very fragile

  • (The 5 year anniversary of when my mother passed away). No mater how many years it has been you never get over the loss of a parent, and i still grieve daily.
  • My new clothes where really uncomfortable and my bra was driving me bonkers.
  • I was tired and really bloody cranky.
  • I didn’t really want to leave the house, but my husband in his infinite wisdom wants me to at least get some fresh air a couple of times a week, he says that it’s good for my health, other wise i would have not problems with becoming a hermit and cocooning myself with a six season series on Netflix, minus the chocolates and popcorn.

Someone that you know nothing about, Someone who struggles each day just to get out of bed, Someone who struggles to sleep, and who spends those sleepless hours going over in her head about how fat she is. Someone who struggles to walk because of the pain from a back disease that i have had since i was 21, and considering i am almost 44 now thats a hell of a long time.

For a young girl who hasn’t lived a life, who hasn’t been pregnant and carried a child which added more pressure to my body, you have no clue.

I have been trying to lose weight since 2007. That’s ten years of trying to make a healthier, happier version of myself.

I have been on low fat diets, I have been on programme after programme – Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation, Susie Burell – shape me, 28 by Sam Wood, TiffXO

I have tried walking, A LOT, I have walked thousand of kilometres I have fallen off treadmills, I have vibration machines, My big ass has sat for hours on an exercise bike

I have tried to work that ass off and it still hasn’t shifted. I have tried diet shakes, tablets and even consulted with PT’s, I have bathed in fat sliming solutions.I have meditated, I have done yoga, I have spent hours standing on a platform walking in front of the TV to the WiiFit,

When it comes to fitness trackers i currently wear three to track my steps, how many times i stand up during the day, & everything in between. I have had many and various versions of watches and trackers, I have tried hundreds of apps to keep me motivated

I eat well, i track what i eat, I have calorie counted, I drink water, i try and get to bed and get between 6-8 hours sleep like all of the experts say, eating plans, tried recipes, brought a thermomix,

I have read the books, Self Help & Motivation, I watch the Biggest Loser and follow all of the Guru’s online.

Do you even have an understanding of just how difficult it is to find clothes for a short fat chick. Having to look and feel like you are wearing a tent as clothing. Not feeling comfortable in anything that you wear.

Getting up in the morning to go out and changing ten times because everything you own makes you feel fatter and even more self conscious, Avoiding Mirrors because i hate how i look, i hate how big i am, i hate this person that stares back at me.

When you do actually leave the house you feel like everyone is watching you, judging you, making fun of you behind your back, taking photos of you to put on social media to be made a laughing stock of,

I have even looked into having surgery and know many other people that have done so.

Since posting about what you did on Facebook, i have had many friends say that they feel the same way and that what you have done is beyond cruel.

I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to be as thin as what i was when i was your age..

But my body just doesn’t want to play nice, and do you want to know something i am tired of trying to be the person that someone like you would prefer to see in front of them.

I am tired of going to the Dr’s and having them stick needles in me and taking diabetes tests that always come back negative, and not actually finding a solution to help me lose the weight.

I am so over teenagers / under 25’s (millennial’s as they like to call you now because it’s all so hip to give you a name, well let me tell you as a Gen X’er). I am pretty sure that if the same was done to a member of your family you would be hurt by it, so what gives you the right to make another person feel like they are nothing. You don’t have a right…. So next time you feel like making fun of someone think about that first.

So before you feel the need to post photos of me on social media making fun of me, think about what i have said.

It’s me up to me to get through this. I now have to re-build my self esteem that was already shattered. I now have to get the courage to get up in the morning get dressed and face the world.  I now have to not think about the way you made me feel. I now have to re-shape my thoughts about how big i am and channel them into change.. AGAIN…

So instead of crying about it like i have spent the past 24 hours doing, making myself more and more upset i decided that writing this letter that you will probably never read was the best therapy i could give myself.

At the end of the day i have a Husband who happens to like my curves and a daughter who has my back and will stand up for me against bullies like you, i have a cheer squad that will continue to cheer me on and support me on days when i am at my lowest.

Even if most days i don’t have the strength to love myself i am loved….

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As found on Facebook

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